killsmileplace: aloe vera growing tip

I'm not sure if any of you have heard about it, but the United States of America, a country (mostly) on the North American continent, is having an election this year. The USA, as the country is known, is electing a president. The two primary candidates are John McCain, a Republican from the state of Arizona, and Barack Obama, a Democrat from the state of Illinois. I was flipping channels last night and I stumbled upon a debate they were having on an obscure cable news network. These types of political debates aren't very interesting, so I can understand them not being on more mainstream channels like ESPN or Playboy or The NFL Network or Lifetime for Women or The Oprah Network or The Food Channel, but I think it would be better if more people exposed themselves to these underground political dialogues.

Having watched the debate, I was mostly disappointed. Neither of the candidates were addressing the issues that are important to me, Joe [INSERT JOB OR BEVERAGE CHOICE HERE]. So, I decided to list the issues that are important to me here in my very own online venue. Should either candidate address these issues sufficiently, I will remember that on election day, while I'm voting for Obama. Here are the issues that are important to me.

The Ecogomy: I'm not sure what the ecogomy is. I might have just made up the word. Nevertheless, I never hear anyone addressing it nor any crises that might be affecting it. We cannot afford eight more years of the same failed ecogomic policies. They have failed. Bush. Cheney. It's the ecogomy, stupid.

Guy Rights: I think guys should be allowed to marry. I think guys should have the same rights everyone else does. I think guys should be allowed in the military. Did you know, and this may shock you, that Lance Bass is a guy? It's true. GUY POWER

Harpoon Control: Criminals can get harpoons too easily. We've got harpoons in our schools. Who, in this day and age, actually needs a harpoon? And don't tell me hunters need, them. Hunters should use their teeth and hands like all the other animals do. It hunters want to sharpen their teeth, or get really sharp claws surgically implanted into the ends of their fingers, I would support their right to do so. Harpoons, however, are too dangerous and unnecessary. It might be people who kill people, but they do it, for the most part, with harpoons.

Eliminate Boring Stuff: Our culture is overrun with boring stuff. What are we going to do about it? There's more and more boring stuff every day. Someone has to stop it Burn the boring stuff BURN IT ALL DOWN

State-Run Religion: We need a strong state religion that can control everyone's lives and punish evildoers. This is such a great idea, I don't know why other cultures haven't thought of it. Pick any religion. They're all the same. DEATH TO THE INFIDELS

Cleavage Regulation: It's getting out of hand. I will personally lead a team of cleavage inspectors and establish guidelines and enforce them. I will look into all this cleavage. I will get to the bottom of it.

Where is my G. Love and Special Sauce CD?: Did someone borrow it? Is it lost in my son's room? Did it get stolen? What is the government going to do to find it? Can it be found by the end of your first term in office? If not, will the taxpayers buy me a replacement CD? Is that a valid use of taxpayer money? Can we borrow the money from the Chinese? No one's talking about this. I want to know specifics. Hope is not enough.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones Commission: Remember several years ago, 1997 to be precise, when The Mighty Mighty Bosstones were on SNL? Remember how badly they sucked? What was up with that? They're a passably decent band. Why did they suck so badly on SNL? I want to get to the bottom of it. THEY. SUCKED. SO. BAD. Y'ALL. Why? Why hasn't there been a congressional commission to look into this? I mean, seriously. They were just awful. Do they actually suck? Was all of their previous goodness a farce? America wants to know.

Keep Children Off the Street: My street, specifically. It's crawling with children. Who the hell are all of these children and where do they belong? Do they have parents? Why are some of them so ugly and stupid looking? Can't we round them up and ship them off somewhere? I'm afraid I'm going to run over one of them and mess up my suspension. We can send a monkey into space but we can't keep the children off my street? Come on, USA.