choking swimming

I think i blog most on sunday nights,
or shall we say monday mornings.
it is 12:15am as we speak..

oh fuck i got the days wrong.
tuesday morning.
yeah, long weekend gone short.

anyways, i always freak and bitch about school at the ends of weekends.
i get into a state of mind where i just donapos;t want to care about anything. The worst part about not caring about school is that i have to sit through it for 6 hours.i donapos;t know why i canapos;t just do my work, i mean itapos;s not like i have anything better to do. Basically, i spent my canadian thanksgiving sitting my ass off watching True Blood. And itapos;s funny how iapos;ve only been awake for 11 hours. Yeah i woke up at 1:30 this afternoon.what a lazy fuck i am.

my question of the day: what the fuck am i doing with my life?

iapos;m wasting time, thatapos;s all iapos;m doing. Itapos;s unfortunate that i am wasting more than just my time. I feel so bad.
suicide is an option that i try to push aside... But the more i push it the more it bounces back. Sigh... Well this is what you get, a selfish person with selfish moves.

i donapos;t know whoapos;s talking right now, the samantha who lacks both sleep and energy... Or just simply me.
god i feel so fucked right now. I feel tired, ugly, senseless..... I compare myself to those hopeless drunks you see in movies. Fuck i gotta get my shit together. Everytime iapos;m like this i think of the song "till i collapse" by eminem. He says a bunch of shit about finding the strength within you at the beginning. I canapos;t recall the lyrics, but itapos;s some deep shiz.

i want.........� i donapos;t know what i want.
like i want things but i donapos;t want to work for them. Ok so bascially that makes me a fucking cunt
but i donapos;t take impossibility as an option. I donapos;t think anything is impossible... And there are the cahnces of me getting the things i want without having to work for them. But the chances of that are a lot slimmer than actually working for them. Seriously, what am i doing? am i trying to prove something? seems like it. I should know. Iapos;m alwyas trying to prove something. Iapos;m so stubborn. I wish i werenapos;t stubborn... Itapos;s the stubborn people who have it hardest of changing their ways.

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

dr horton home at houston, choking swimming, choking symbol, choking symbols, choking symptom.